Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!

I have found myself shaking my head far too many times this year and there are five things I do not have time for…

1.Keyboard Crusaders

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If your past time is still cruising through other people’s social media accounts inciting hate and pulling others down, then you really need to go on an early retirement.  It amazes me how ‘deep’ people can get when you leave them unsupervised with a flickering screen and a comments section. So, since you have been gifted with the itch to write and type, why not use your writing skills to something far more rewarding and productive?

  1. Write a free PDF about the gutsy guide to being a keyboard dummy.
  2. Produce, edit and upload a video that you think is far better than the content creator’s work that you devoured for a couple of  ‘Likes’ and ‘Retweets’.
  3. Go on a glorified imaginative adventure and write a story…just do summink!

Look, I know that we are living in the last days, but there are still people that are out there using their platforms to spread the love of Jesus Christ, inspire others to maximise their potential, enjoy their disposable incomes and turn their post natal booties from 0 to 100 and all you want to do is play ‘Hate, Cuss and Drag’? Puhleese, repentance is free and if that is way too much to ask of you, then kindly Google yourself several Pius seats and a time waster medal whilst you’re at it.

2.Negative Energy

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If people have to anoint themselves with olive oil, holy water and pray to God for divine protection before they come around you, maybe it’s time for you to check yourself.  You no longer have a right to own the name Moody Mindy or Haterade Harry. God has deposited enough people into your life that are always available to shower you with His unconditional love. However, you have decided to not actively heed the Word of God or make any effort to change and you have decided that you will be a source of negative energy.

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If you happen to be that person that constantly feels like your faith, hope and dreams are constantly being zapped, popped and obliterated by such negative people that you call your friends, maybe it’s time that you lift your hands up and wave them goodbye. I used to be that person that would give negative energy carriers a pass, but now I’ve decided to expel them. Why? I found that I was spending too much time during my morning and evening devotionals with God, lamenting, moaning and complaining about my so called friend’s lack of support and negativity.

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Please consider this last point in the nicest possible way: You should always leave your friends feeling inspired, empowered and challenged to be the best person God designed you to be, however, if you always feel like you just made it on to Satan’s ‘I gotcha real good’ list and you feel like a big piece of poo-poo, please think carefully about your friendship.

3.Users

I’m going to keep this one short, nice and sweet. Please do not abuse your friend’s loyalty, patience and kindness by repaying him or her with evil. Yes, I said it. If the reward that you want to grant them for their faithfulness to you during your hard times is to collude with their enemies to plan their downfall and down play their achievements, then you are a user.

4.Bad Customer Service

They are paying you to represent their business, yet it’s a struggle to crack a smile, give eye contact or engage in small talk. I have a couple of tips to bless you with before you embark on another mission of ‘Destroy Another Customers Day‘.

  1. Please show up and actively participate in your customer service training session. Companies spend thousands and even millions into training their employees. Your ability to handle objections, complaints and other problems in a professional manner can be achieved by simply showing up and being present.
  2. Watch a video that will teach you about the art of small talk, using your listening skills and learning how to use your initiative.
  3. Read about the power of your posture, such as your body language and how you can effectively use it to communicate with your customers. Please note that this does not include grunting, kissing your teeth or rolling your eyes.
  4. And, finally, whilst you wander off to the back room to take a lil break to gossip about your customers, somebody is on their knees praying for your position and your pay cheque.

5.Bumpalicious Weaves And Roadkill

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The weave, braids and wig game has gone to a whole new level! Gone are the days when you could just get a way with glued tracks and suspicious bundles from your local beauty supply store or overly tight hairlines AKA bootleg face lifts. Thanks to social media sites such as YouTube, Instagram, Pinterest and many others, customers will no longer tolerate signing premature death certificates for their hairline. It is no longer acceptable to allow customers to wander the earth with badly braided weaves that look more like a camels hump. Far too many customers have been left disillusioned by stylists that think it is ok NOT to braid their hair FLAT against their scalp but to give them the hump of life.

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We will no longer tolerate sacrificing 5 or 6 hours seated on poorly designed chairs that strain our necks when getting our hair braided or watch ratchet programmes whilst our bums go from being circled in a ring of fire to completely and utterly numb!

We did not bribe our kids to behave for just another three, four or five more hours (you said my hair would be done in an hour) with junk food to behave themselves in your salons or your homes to leave several hours later, patting our itchy heads as if we have a problem. And, even worse, our precious coins were not passed over to you to witness the long and lingering death of our self-pride. Yes, I said it.

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We are subjected to the slow and shameful death of our self-pride when we fall victim to that lonely strand of hair which I call ‘Roadkill‘ because for some strange reason we never seem to lose that precious braid of hair in the safe confines of our home, but outside on tarmac, concrete or finely shaved grass. Yes, my sisters and brothers, that track of hair, cornrow, Senegalese twist or even an entire ponytail (that our stylists installed incorrectly) left in a shameful position on the pavement, inside the shopping mall or by the ATM kiosk for the world to see.

Thanks for stopping by and please don’t forget to like, follow or share and as always leave a comment! Please share anything you ain’t got time for… keep it sweet and saintly😊

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