High-Rise Flats, Parties And Smelly Sprouts.

Over the years I have come to accept that the festive period comes with baggage and when you live in a high-rise or purpose built flat, you experience that baggage in a special way.

1.Free Box Sets

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Living in a high-rise flat means thin walls and little to no privacy. If the neighbour that lives above you is a glorified ‘boxsetter’ (does that word exist?) then you will  be able to memorize their entire box set collection. Their loud surround sound speakers will enable you to hear the pronunciation  of every vowel and feel every vibration coming from a christmas action movie.

2.Music Convert

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Have you ever heard of Anarcho-punk, Highlife or Grime? Living with noisy neighbours automatically enrolls you on a ‘Name that music style’ course.  With time and after getting fed up of stuffing your ears with moth balls, you will learn how to love their taste in music. Hearing a loud thumping beat in the middle of the night or at the break of dawn will no longer trouble you. In fact, your reaction will surprise you, and, you will find yourself doing randomly odd things such as bopping your head, flapping your hands and doing the hokey cokey.

3.Slashed Electricity Bills

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You will not need to worry about sky-rocket electricity bills over the Christmas period. You can just allow your neighbour’s loud music, TV set and telephone calls to entertain you.

4. Food Etiquette

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Please don’t repeat the mistake that I committed a few years back and cook Brussel Sprouts in a pressure cooker.It is one of the biggest faux pas you can ever commit living in a high- rise flat. The offensive sulfurous smell spread its way from my tiny kitchen through to the entire communal hallway. I’m a hundred percent certain that my smelly sprouts inspired the first unofficial tenants meeting, as one by one they found their way on the landing. One not so nice neighbour ever so boldly  likened my smelly sprouts to ‘poo’ and the rest of her critical words we will cast into the sea of forgetfulness!

5.Unexpected Guests

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Be prepared for illicit strangers that think the little corner next to your door is the ideal place to urinate after consuming far too many bottles of counterfeit vodka and beer.

6.Multiple Occupants

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The communal landing has multiple purposes, one of which is to accommodate the overflow of friends and family that could not squeeze into your neighbours tiny flat. The landing (which is your only escape route) will suddenly become the dance floor, seating area and vomiting space that your neighbour will use to entertain their guests. You will get used to not being given prior notification or an early warning that the ‘party of the century’ is about to erupt outside your doorstep. Do you love surprises? Great! You will no longer be surprised by the oily stains outside your front door or the pile of plastic cutlery that will greet you the following day.

7.Knock Down Ginger

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Children and mischievous adults have all been known to play this game and living in a high-rise flat will make this childhood past time even more exciting. Not only will you hear the pounding sound of tiny feet scooting up and down the communal hallway, you will also have your front door slapped silly with everything from fireworks to toilet paper.

8.Balcony

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Please reconsider entertaining your guests on the balcony at any time of the day. If you want to avoid expensive dry cleaning bills and embarrassment, keep your little, mulled wine chin-dig inside your living room. It is not uncommon for the neighbour above to break their tenancy agreement and drown you in dirty cleaning fluid, bird poo droppings, and other debris from their balcony floor. The last thing that you need to ruin your Christmas party is to drown your guests.

Do you have any similar experiences to share? Please leave a comment in the section below and don’t forget to like, follow or share with loved ones.

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