When was the last time that you did a thorough health checkup to make sure all of your bits and bobs were in good working order? Sometimes we need to check whether our friendship links are as healthy and as strong as we think that they are.
In Proverbs 27:6 it says that ‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful'(New King James Version). Have you fallen victim to the kisses of a so-called friend?
Are there people in your life clogging up your thinking space? Do you ever wonder how you got entangled with so and so?
I had an encounter with a person whom at one point I regarded as a FIP, my abbreviation for a ‘Friend In Progress’. I had high hopes for my FIP, they were exhibiting all of the qualities I longed for in a friendship: godliness, kindness, down to earth, humour and intelligence.
But then like with all friendships the essential testing period came unnoticed. Would they greet me whilst they stood with their circle of friends or would they slap me with the cold shoulder? Well, I guess you figured that they blanked me like I never existed and made sure that I felt it. I have always wondered what motivates adults to manage their social relationships in such child like fashion and it is one of the reasons why I thought I would share with you the 4 types of friends that I have encountered and wished I had never met:
The Unfriendly Friend
This is the friend your mother always told you to be weary of. This is the shady friend who’s smile glows with rays of warmth and gentleness but who’s aura has the stench of a skunk. You think you know this friend, but you really don’t. They have the empathetic ears of a counsellor so much so that your head has been impaled into their shoulders. You have spent far too much talk-time and meet ups with them thinking that they are your confidantes, prayer partners, best friends…you name it, only to later realise that your private conversations were being streamed for other people’s entertainment. These are the friends that are the self-professed chairpersons of every meeting about you that you were not invited to. They turn on their ‘mute status’ when you are being character assassinated and always come back to tell you, ‘Did you hear what they said about you?’
Their friendship is conditional and solely based on meeting their narcissistic fix for the day, hour, week, month, year…you get the idea. They know how to turn their frown upside down when they need something from you and only from you. It may be the contact details of your bomb hairstylist, nail technician, your identity, credit card or your time to care for their children, pet, home…you name it, they need to use you. Because of the short time span of such relationships they know how play the disappearing act.
Let me be clear here, they don’t have to necessarily leave the continent on a whirlwind trip, or be serving time in prison, no. They may be living a stones throw away from you, in fact, they see you but act like you’re not even on their ‘Hello’ radar. They are the grand masters of the infamous blank. Thats right, in fact, they have got their blank on fleek!
If they do appear to respond to your wave or to your ‘Hello’, they quickly wave you away, like they have just flicked off some dry bogey they found dangling on their coat tails. They are the friends that take hours or days before responding to your whatsapp messages. I like to call them the ‘two ticks friends’ that never respond to your notifications when you would expect them to. They love to hide and expect you to seek them after they have used you. They will soon retire from their hibernation period and reappear in your life when they need something from guess who?
The Behind Closed Doors Friend
This friend has you on lock down. For one reason or the other your friendship can only unfurl behind closed doors, away from the places that you usually spend your time together. No one except for you, God and the holy angels know that this friendship even exists. This is the friend that may see you at the office rest room and blank you because they are talking to someone else. Somehow, they still have the audacity to communicate with you via email, social media or text messaging, but the moment they see you in the flesh…boo-yow! They act like Casper just walked into the room.
The Poison Ivy Friend
This friend enjoys leaving you with stings. They do not know how to celebrate your successes with sincerity. It has to be almost thrusted out of them and you could probably place a bet that they have had a few doses of botox on their forehead for their lack of expression.
A true friend rejoices with you when you rejoice and mourns with you when you mourn (Romans 12:15), however, Poison Ivy gets a kick out of your downfall, it gives them immense pleasure to know that you have had to navigate through the murky waters of adversity with no assurance of an expiry date.
Whilst they have an opportunity to offer you some comfort and consolation, they choose not to. When you tell such a friend that you are going on a dry spiritual fast they arrive at your home with a triple max burger with all of your favourite trimmings. When you confide in them that you are praying for a promotion they are silently invoking your name every night wishing for your demotion. Poison Ivy knows how to conjure more rain to fall on your parade and watch you drown whilst they take cover in an extra wide umbrella.
Are there any other characters that I have missed out? Have you had friends that are a mixture of all 4 types? Please share your experiences in the comments section below.